My Wonderful Shea Experience

So last weekend I went to the Mets-Reds game, the game where Santana started and Carlos Beltran actually managed to hit a triple. Anyway, the whole time I was there I couldn't help but notice how truly terrible Shea Stadium is. Now I know Darrell wrote a post on this already, but neither of us had been to Shea this season, and let me tell you it has not dressed up for its last season.
The most pressing issue at Shea is the seat size. People were a lot smaller in the sixites, I know that, but come now, how could any human being, at any point in our evolutionary lineage fit into the seats at Shea? Sitting in one of them for three straight hours was almost as torturous as listening to the fat bozo sitting right in front of me heckle Ken Griffey Jr.each time he came to the plate. "Hey Griffey, why don't you hit another pop out you loser!". Nicely played good sir, I would wager that you have hurt Mr. Griffey's feelings immensely. No one, not even your buddy sitting next to you, thought you were clever. Yet for all 4 Griffey at bats, you just kept going at it.
Regardless, the seats at she are tiny and the gaps between the seats in one row are also incredibly miniscule. If the person sitting next to you was wearing pleather pants and it was a hot day at Shea, there is a 90 percent chance that you would exit the stadium attached at the thigh.
Now the second issue I have with Shea is the apple that pops up beyond the outfield wall. I originally thought that the apple only came out on homeruns, but in fact it seems as though it comes out whenever the Mets staff sees fit. Delgado got a hit? My god! Send that apple out there! It seems to have lost any significance that it once had and it no longer as the appeal of a quaint novelty, a cute addition for the beleagured Mets fans. Now it is used as an ineffective tool to "motivate" the crowd. I'm shocked that it still even gets out of its hat.
The third problem I had during my visit was the interesting food options available at the stadium. I am not complaining about the prices, those were pretty reasonable compared to those found at Yankee stadium, I am talking about the actual food offered at the park. For example, the size of the Cracker Jacks bag is comparable to the that of your fist. How can I be expected to go through a whole game with a fist-sized back of Cracker Jacks? Exactly, I can't be, why must they taunt me with the fun size Cracker Jacks? Now the peanuts at Shea are salted in the shell. How that's possible I have no idea, but that is the claimon the bag. That seems completely unnatural. The peanut should not taste salty if it is still in its sheath. And yet when I tried a bag, the peanuts were in fact salted and the shell had no flavor at all. Until someone explains how this is possible, there are going to some serious issues. Lastly, Shea has managed to find a Dip'n Dots knock-off company. Honestly I forgot the stupid name of the company, but I can tell you that it carries a inferior product. I have no issue with Shea supporting a mini-sphere ice cream vendor, but that company should be Dip'n Dots not some bootleg brand, that is just dishonest. Which brings me to my last issue with Shea, the parking. I took the 7 train to the game, but my cousin drove. She had to park her car, literally 20 minutes from the stadium and she got to the game 45 minutes early. That shouldn't happem at any sporting venue anywhere in the country. Adequate and convinient parking should be available, period.
So as you can see Shea Stadium and I have a love-hate relationship. I hate the team that plays in it, I hate the seats in it, I hate the food in it, and I hate the parking around it. Other than that though I love it long time.